Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I can text with my tongue
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize