so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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