Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
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What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
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what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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