ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I intend to get homeless drunk
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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