everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize