btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
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My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
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he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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