I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have already put on my inside pants.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize