Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
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And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
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WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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