Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
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