All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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