somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize