I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
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the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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