I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
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So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
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When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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