my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Well I just put wine in my tea
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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