i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
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you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
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the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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