Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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