Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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