So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
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Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
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Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
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