The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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