Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
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It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
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Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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