On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize