I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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