"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize