I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
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I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
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We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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