i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
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I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
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I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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