I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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