why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize