i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize