I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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