note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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