Me too!
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
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I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
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I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
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