He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
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You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
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She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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