She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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