Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
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we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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