that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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