I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
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Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
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I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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