Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize