I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize