someone owes me an orgasm
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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