Whod you bang
After last night, I could never be a politician.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize