If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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