Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize