I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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