I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
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security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
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Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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