Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize