Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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