u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
we should paint friendship bongs
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