I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
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i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
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That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
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