So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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