conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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